Last week, I had a remarkable session with someone who was my mentor in a previous career. Beyond being knowledgeable and deemed the authority in his industry, he is a beautiful soul, rejoicing when something good happens to someone else.
He has a habit, that all of us have, of figuring things out by himself and swirling in known solutions, even when they stop working. Despite being successful for decades, he came to a “brought to your knees” point. He needed help. He was stuck.
As we talked, he said something that all of my clients ask: Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? (I answered before he could get to what typically is asked next: What if I screw up? What if I blow it? What if I fail?)
And, here’s what I say because it’s the simple truth: Yes!
Instead of worrying about the stuff that doesn’t matter, let me just reassure you, you can’t make a wrong decision regardless of what anyone else, especially your second guessing little self, tells you. And, if that makes your sphincter tighten, read on.
Mindf*$k wraps you up in doubt until you just can’t go on. Every known solution that has worked up until now becomes a rope that binds you into the same place rather than moving you forward.
Every fear you imagine mimics “death” subconsciously because, on some level you’re ready to change and do something new which means the old way is ready to be passed. The fear mimics the most extreme possibilities and excuses, like, I’m not ready. I don’t want to become homeless, I don’t want to be attacked by ridicule for wanting something I really, REALLY love, etc.
Being stuck keeps you up at night. It says to you relentlessly:
You have no choice so settle.
You don’t deserve anything better.
You tried that before and it didn’t work.
I don’t know what else to do so I will let fear immobilize me.
When people are in this state, all deep seated logic and unseen wisdom mixes with these intrusions that take your power away.
The second thing he did, which again, most high performers do, is not ask for help until the knees buckle and couldn’t get up.
I know this. For 23 years, I was stuck in the agony of juggling life and death situations for relatives I cared for AND worked a demanding 14 hour a day job. I could have asked for help but couldn’t. My family just didn’t ask for anything from anybody so we carried the burden needlessly.
For my mentor, he never asked for help because he knew so much more than everyone else in his industry. As if asking for help symbolized failure of achievement. Well, if you’re not a dentist and need a tooth pulled, I supposed you could tie a thread to the doorknob and slam it shut, but it would be so much easier to go to a dentist, I think.
Your story may not be as extreme as mine or his but we are socialized to be solitary, independent beings. That’s good until we hit points in our life that make you realize that tribes actually let us know that we belong here on earth. They reflect and validate what what we can’t see in ourselves when the tribe itself is clean and pure in their own selves, with no ulterior motives other than to welcome you in to be yourself.
How to unwind
Here’s how the session went.
He overcame his normal habit of not asking for help and despite his lack of technical skills, scheduled an appointment using software he never used before. Why? Because he was committed. He had committed for himself that he was going to do something. In this case, it was reaching out for help. It is the only variable in my work that I can’t control. He was ready to be honest.
Clean, safe, sacred space
I did nothing except hold a clean, safe, sacred space and immediately, everything poured out of his mouth. The burden he had carried, the fears about his health and path unwound. Why? Because it’s so rare for anyone to be really heard and seen without people poking their fingers into the story.
I mean, really, without someone jabbing advice up our ass right out of the gate. Without the undercurrent, even if unspoken, of judgement.
This is the most critical part of my work and I will be honest with you. It doesn’t happen often, especially around spiritually based businesses. There is, more often than not, a tinge of their own shit that seeps into the space…I have spent most of my time in building my business to ensure I can hold a clean space so that I don’t merge my story, which they don’t care about, into theirs.
The other thing that happens being abandoned by those around you if they feel your agony of being in the state of expansion is negative. They think it’s contagious, and as a result, few people express what they’re feeling when they’re in a swirl, robbing themselves of the regenerative power that needs to be witnessed.
These tribe members do not know how to make space for grace to seep in and expand so that everyone becomes who we were designed to be: More powerful than previously experienced before.
Miracles only happen when one is witnessed neutrally, inferring that it is the act of being around others that facilitates the magic to roll. It’s remarkable how much we neglect this unspoken part of ourselves.
Miracles happen when we are given the safe space to be seen and heard.
So much of our suffering would go away if we had a tribe of people who just shut up and accepted who we were.
3. Internal Space is Created
With the energy of the situation released, there was space and clarity to hear what I had seen. My work is simple and happens at all levels of our design. Very little of it happens at the spoken word or during the strategy part where I teach tools.
Most everything occurs at the unspoken word level.
A couple of days later, he emailed me this beautiful testimonial. It wasn’t the words that touched me but rather, the beauty of what had come into his life when he was still enough.
His biggest fear that made him shiver was gone (health changes), what he yearned for (opportunities for a new venture) came to him, and he finally knew how to connect the dots.
Without the above steps, everything you do kind of moves the solution a little farther away. And if you think it takes a long time for something like this to happen, know that most of my sessions are done in 45 minutes and results have the space to come to my clients in ways that could never planned.
The answers are so tired of chasing you around as you go about frantically searching for them. Paraphrased from Kartron
My work is simple but people make their biggest problems so hard. Big life problems don’t have to happen either. We’re programmed to fear what we don’t know so most people just wait, stuck in their linear thinking that THEY can solve the issue alone, until they figure out, they can’t.
Recipe card for Getting Unstuck:
Stand in the solution rather than in the problem, stand in the solution.
You are the center of your life, not the victim of it. Commit to the same. Commit to yourself that you will not circle in the problem until it makes you take action.
Find a tribe or someone to talk to.
The days of going it alone are over. We yearn for the safety to be ourselves, warts and all. Find someone who won’t crowd your space with more advice or things to do. Find someone who will just let you unwind, no matter how uncomfortable it is and witness. You won’t be able to do the next step unless the space is clean.
Be honest, nakedly so.
Get to the root of what you are experiencing. You’ll know it because it’ll make your soul and voice shiver. It won’t be as traumatic as you imagine it will be but rather, a relief, like a long-held fart finally let go.
Take guidance of your true north, your North Star.
In the space that is now open, you’ll be quiet and clear to hear what you need to hear. You are more capable of making things happen when you don’t “make” them happen. Be still so the answer can find you. It’ll be way more simple than you can imagine.
Learn more about my services if you need help getting unstuck.
#GetUnstuck #ItsTheSolutionYouNeedToFocusOn #HoldSpace