Here's a harsh truth when trying to unwind our deepest fear. Our deepest fear, whether it be our survival instinct or shining our light, indicates the last piece of where we let our empowerment reside outside of us.
We may claim our power when we know our right to take up space in the earth, we may finally feel safe in our skin so that we can expand outward to be seen from a place of truth that supersedes the daily distractions and problems in front of our eyes, but the last piece of the game is where many people never venture to.
It ends up the most basic fear around our survival, most often around money in modern times. And yet, without this acknowledgement to love that part of ourselves which isn't the most flattering to admit to others, is what keeps us under its control. Just like a puppet.
We may dream of being self employed thinking that the time and financial freedom to live our life is the answer. But the truth is, for me, is I am deeply afraid to give up my control to control my survival at its most basic, primal level.
Comical images of relying on bread and money falling from the sky as I give up control come to mind, and yet I know, that's not what it's really about.
It's about releasing this last part of myself to somehow influence (read: control my livelihood which I associate with survival) through careful planning that holds me back. That somehow, I can control the survival instinct.
At the same time, I know this is not about proposing to be a free hippie abandoning all practical obligations in the physical world like mortgages and health insurance premiums. There is responsibility associated with the reality we live in and I'm not proposing abandoning that.
It is, well, about trust. Trust that at the most basic element of existence in the physical world, to trust that my life and its sustainability, is something that I need to let go of. That's scary as hell.
As trite as this might sound, like the familiar biblical challenges where one had to surrender to God, but in reality, to give up the control of life itself while still owning and taking responsibility for it is a far stretch for most.
At a soul level, we yearn for the ability to rest in the tide and flow of our soul, through our personalized energy expression of it. But really, how many of us really do give up that fundamental need to survive to the fundamental benevolence that we are probably familiar with but not yet 100% entrusting of?
I'll be honest that I wobble on this. I wobble from being full of myself in the best sense of embodying my spirit where shit like this doesn't matter (e.g., what they mean when they say, just "be" and 'be present") and then I wobble back to personal responsibility required to sustain housing, food, and creature comforts to make that life enjoyable.
The only practical solution I have is to be responsible only for those things I have control over. Like using my resources wisely, whether it's my energy or bank account.
I admit that I'm terrified and controlled, even addicted, to needing to control my survival instinct. What's more difficult is to not judge that part of it...judgement kills the flow of light that allows me to love and nurture this part of wounding so that it can be metabolized into the free and pure childlike innocence of connection to my soul.
It's with blushed cheeks, saying, "Oh, hi, I'm a control freak when it comes to surviving in the world because actually, to tell you the truth, I don't feel safe without having to put out that kind of effort. And yes, practically, I know that is what holds me back from living fully. But it is what it is and I accept that. I logically know that this is part of the way humans are designed - it's our most primal instinct, after all. And my brain, as a computer, is having a hard time giving that up because that's one of its main jobs, you know, to help me survive."
But what I've found is my attention has been focusing on the wrong thing. I've been focused on the gloom and doom of what happens when I walk away from the things I've depended on survival up to date. And as I thought about it more, I've tied "survival" to being on this earth, to be alive. That's simply what survival means to me...to be alive.
So, in turn, I've found, my fear is not so much about surviving as it is the right to be here on earth. Knowing that alone answers all my questions with one swoop - I don't have to 'BE" here on earth, I don't need to have a "right" to be on earth because I already "am." I'm here, you're here and there's no illusion to that fact. That's the reality of it all...the fact that I exist is proof that I'm "surviving."
I will continue to be here as long as my pre-determined soul contract, to which I agreed to, is in motion. That pre-determined length of my life is out of my control.
This whole survival thing has distracted me from doing what's obviously in motion...living. There is nothing to control. It's already happening without one's intervention.
That immediately shifts the attention from living by controlling what one fears into a much simpler state of just knowing you're already living without controlling that very thing.
The fear is eliminated because the fact that I'm alive is equates to surviving. All the other stuff we worry about is just bullshit, a master illusionist making it seem like it's the end of the world to make less money. If I bite, though, into that worry then it certainly will be a bumpy ride. I and others often bite because we can't see the next step beyond which just might actually be what we want so badly.
Now, will I be happy in my soul flow in each of these moments of being alive? Well, that's up to me, isn't it? How I choose to perceive and be while being alive is up to me. And I already know how to do that!
So when facing a change tied to your most primal survival instinct, in whatever form that might take, know that you're going to survive at the most basic level because you already are. You're alive, aren't you?
Realizing this shines the light on that deep fear, which then allows your body and energy to metabolize it so that you end up creating a higher level of homeostasis. It can be a little disorientating but its worth being sucked up in that tornado for a short bit in order to land in another land.
Savor this moment which will set the momentum forward for you with grace and optimism rather than a tightened sphincter of doom and gloom.
Your soul has agreed to that you've been given this moment and the right for you to accept it graciously. Move onward and leave all that other b.s. where it belongs, outside of your light.